The Nut Farm Podcast

This week on The Nut Farm, we’re once again proving that absolutely no topic is safe from the spiral.
We start with a Pokémon vending machine, 37 ripped packs, zero self-control and children who have officially become card-opening employees. From there, somehow, we make our way through Phoenix Fashion Week, creativity, mental health, OCD, intrusive thoughts, faith, ancient Egypt, Cleopatra, pyramid conspiracies, aliens, Bigfoot and the people we’d interview if we could talk to literally anyone—dead or alive.
Then things get even less organized.
We’ve got baseball drama, the delicate tap dance of parenting tweens, scary movies our nervous systems simply cannot afford, Executive Muff business casual, zombie-apocalypse survival plans and a proposed toxic-goo potato cannon.
So basically: Pokémon, pyramids, psychos, Jesus and zombies.
Just another day on the farm.

New intro. No show sheet. Absolutely no plan. Welcome back to The Nut Farm.
This week, Gretchen and Missy are flying blind and somehow end up everywhere: debating which childhood movies emotionally damaged us, mourning the loss of Dolly, living vicariously through kids getting the ultimate Diamondbacks experience, and surviving a G Soul Co. launch while dressed for anything except the Arizona heat.
Then things take a turn at Target, where Pokémon restock day becomes a full-contact emotional sport, Eli starts calling out grown men for hoarding tins, and complete strangers restore a tiny bit of our faith in humanity.
Jacko makes a surprise appearance, Card Fellas gets some well-deserved love, and apparently The Nut Farm has officially made it because…the internet trolls have arrived.
From Pokémon justice to criminal speeding, Papa Bear energy and the realization that maybe this podcast is supposed to be shorter, we’re serving roasted nuts with a side of salty takes to help you embrace the chaos and stay out of the mother freaking Nut Farm.

This week on The Nut Farm, we’re showing up slightly swollen, mildly caffeinated, and ready to discuss absolutely nothing in the order it should be discussed.
We kick things off with Sculptra, missing eyebrows, IVs, and the realities of trying to keep your face together as you get older. From there, the farm takes its usual scenic route through Scottsdale Fashion Week, turquoise superstition, wedding photos and videos we may or may not ever watch, Leonardo DiCaprio and Titanic, our inability to emotionally handle sad movies, and the internet rabbit holes we probably should’ve stayed out of.
Then somehow we land on suburban wives, teachers turned adult-content creators, getting kicked out of gyms, banks saying “absolutely not,” jealousy, relationships, tan lines, and the very important realization that sometimes you just have to show up and do the damn thing.
It’s beauty treatments, questionable decisions, pop culture, relationships, and two best friends wandering wildly off topic.
Basically… another normal day on The Nut Farm.

Gretchen is currently sitting in FIRST PLACE for New York Fashion Week—and yes, she checks the standings multiple times a day! Between surviving their Fox 10 TV debut (and the mandatory 20-minute post-adrenaline crash nap), dodging monsoon chaos, and negotiating dolphin encounters in Mexico, the farmers are back with one of their most honest episodes yet.
00:00 - Monsoon Mayhem & Steve’s Ceiling Drip
13:35 - The Fox 10 TV Debut & Live TV Aunt Confessions
24:32 - NYFW Update: We Need Your Votes!
27:23 - The Origin Story: Crying Over Bao Buns in New York
28:48 - Back to School, Pokémon Bans & "Let Them Simmer" Parenting
51:43 - Mexico Encounters: Water Weenie Dolphins & Intimidating Crabs
01:01:21 - WNBA Rising, Caitlin Clark & Sophie Cunningham Going, a duo united.
 
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This week on The Nut Farm, Missy invented the Swiffer in fourth grade and never saw a dime. She also nearly bought every Sanrio FAO Schwarz blind box at the one Target in all of greater Phoenix that carries them, got the 1-in-25 silver chrome cinnamon roll with confetti, and bought the gold Pompompurin on eBay for $55 because she is not leaving it to chance.
 
The farmers also get into:
• K-pop: Missy is getting into it, Payton dances to Hats Eye, the community is very Pokémon-adjacent
• The man on IG who didn’t understand how paternity works and whose wife had to walk him through it
• Ace Ventura Pet Detective as the official fall aesthetic — and the vintage 28 shirt Gretchen needs to recreate
• Gretchen and Willa at the Mercury WNBA 30th anniversary game: Cheryl Miller, the hair, the arena smell, and the trampoline dunk team that causes anxiety
• The Haus of GS TV media blitz: Fox 10 Monday, Move the Needle pod Tuesday at Craft 64, CW7 two-banger Wednesday
• Sobriety math: $20 a day, $6,700 a year, $67,000 over ten years, and not drinking to get drunk anymore
• The cordless curling iron that doesn’t exist yet: The Thruster 3000
• A bondage rope-tying event invitation that was declined with love and zero judgment & trusting the thrust
• Gucci platform loafers on Posh, Balenciaga thigh-highs going to consignment, and a Sean Kemp rookie card
• Sawyer’s pearl of wisdom: Be safe & listen to your parents. He also confirms peanut M&Ms are healthy.
 
Get in on the ground floor. New episode out now.

This week on The Nut Farm, Missy told a seven-year-old girl to scram in a Chandler Mall bathroom.  The girl did not scram.  She came closer.  She may have followed them to the parking lot. Gretchen kept asking if she was a ghost.  They are not okay.
The farmers also get into:
• The philosophy of poop: what it is, where it lives, why it’s brown, and whether it only smells when it’s outside
• Payton’s rat nest room, the hamper that’s never used, and the sticker collage Missy accidentally threw away
• Adam’s binder card threat: one wrapper in the car and a binder card gets pulled. Eli is already strategizing.
• Farm Fresh to You produce boxes, duck fat in an aerosol can, and the oven-fried chicken Steve requests once a year
• Ladder betting at the casino, Lightning Link people-pleaser machines, and Missy’s third major of the month
• Pilates with Erica: shaking legs, trauma release, and Gretchen claiming she always has one more in her
• The Chris Farley documentary, Sawyer’s breaking heart, and Gretchen’s go-go and slow-slow framework
• The painting crew Gretchen wanted to invite inside for breathwork, crystals, and hip openers through the window
• Goggles in a pool as a cure for depression, mermaid rings on ankles, and lung capacity lost to the years
• The Chandler Mall bathroom incident, the staring child, and the silence rule in the car afterward
• 2000s fashion: gaucho pants, Forest Green army jackets, and the Abercrombie cargos that split at 23
• Gretchen’s upcoming practicum: family addiction therapy, four days a week, four months, no hats, no shoes yet
 
She told her to scram. She did not scram. New episode out now.

This week on The Nut Farm, Missy is running on no sleep and zero regrets. She and her mom stood outside a Sam’s Club in deep Phoenix at 6am, in a sewage smell, for hours, in hopes of scoring the Pokémon Ascended Heroes exclusive drop. They did not score. Her dad did. At Ace Hardware. While fixing a sprinkler.
The farmers also get into:
• Ken the painter: 70-something, 13 kids, youngest is two, showed up with a squad of mostly women and had Sawyer doing stucco work in a Sherwin Williams hat
• The smart glass pivot door that fogs on command
• Dino the door guy who gave them a perfume sample from his eight-year-old daughter’s company
• Timothée Chalamet sliding into Haaland’s DMs and getting left on read because Haaland thought he was just some random dude
• Gretchen DM’ing Kris Jenner about her breakup and her mom’s passing
• Adam kicking Missy out of bed in his sleep playing FIFA and accidentally saving the morning
• The sister who is the only person on earth who can make Gretchen completely lose it
• Payton crashing the pod to report that Eli is mean. Eli’s rebuttal: Payton, you know.
• Dreams, time not being linear, the Black Plague, and what happens when you lean into the fall
• Missy hitting a second major of the month at the casino on a $2 bet: the Full Steve
 
Ace Hardware Pokémon. New episode out now.

This week on The Nut Farm, Gretchen just made her live TV debut for G Soul on CW7, The Daily Mix and she is still running on adrenaline. Missy felt like Kris Jenner watching from the sideline with an imaginary camcorder.
The farmers get into:
- Gretchen’s first on-camera technique: “fuck it, and also I love a good story if it goes wrong”
- The man who followed Missy to her car in the Walmart parking lot to ask if they could be friends
- Conor McGregor trying a fancy kick and blowing his own leg in front of everyone who paid $1,500 to be there
- Fishing in a dinghy during a lightning storm because a hillbilly deckhand with buck teeth said that’s when the fishing is best
- Eli pulling a $600 Team Rocket Mewtwo card out of a random Pokémon tin - Missy screaming alone in her car for 30 Mississippi and feeling completely transformed
- Gretchen’s shower cry, and why sometimes you just have to let yourself
- The shine and the rot — and why you need both
Grip it and rip it farmers!

This week on The Nut Farm, Missy is wearing the Billie Eilish Walmart pajama shirt she slept in and thinks she has developed a shellfish allergy all of a sudden. Steve walked into the surprise birthday dinner without the birthday girl (Gretchen) and had to be sent back out.
The farmers get into:
• Microblading: the scalpel, the crackle, and the sound that almost made both of them walk out
• The birthday surprise dinner — the private room, the curtain, Adam filming from the roof like paparazzi, and Missy's increasingly unhinged cover story.
• The Jordan card bouquet: 14 Michael Jordan cards tucked into baby's breath and eucalyptus like a dozen roses
• The seafood tower incident and a possible new shellfish allergy • DIY nail art, salon boycotts, and the flamingo theory of losing your pink after babies • Taylor Swift's wedding: a thousand guests, zero leaked photos, one embroidered handkerchief replica already on eBay
• Leo DiCaprio becoming Jack Nicholson
• Dennis Rodman's separate house from his own family
• Elbow-gate poll results: 316 votes, "freak accident" wins, nobody voted "sure did"
• Whatnot, Pirate Ship, Melmac dishware, and a six-year-old Gabapentin pill Steve was about to throw away
*** Excuse the small sound issues towards the end of the EPI.  Wifi was being annoying. ***

This week on The Nut Farm, Gretchen (Timmy) and Missy (Bunny) are back with a full load of life updates — and it’s a lot. The farmers get into:
• Anti-car-sick glasses that look like Where’s Waldo and may actually work
• Otis the dog, who peed on Steve’s side of the bed in an act of deliberate dominance
• The pillow situation — it’s more complicated than you think • Eli’s street sale: Pokémon cards, squishies, zero customers, full defeat
• Gretchen’s childhood snow cone empire at the Arizona bus station
• Vegas: PopMart, arcade jackpots, and a front-row seat at a Star Wars burlesque show
• The man next to Adam who said “May the force be with you” to the usher and then man-spread the entire show
• Princess Leia and Jabba the Hutt doing a number to Big Poppa two feet from Missy’s face
• Idaho: a gondola evacuation in a lightning storm, 12 passes at a speedometer sign, and the Great Power Walking Incident
• The moment Gretchen may or may not have elbowed J.R. into the pavement mid-race
• A PR win, a G Soul Co. article, and a meeting where nobody mentioned the kale
• The birthday girl who still believes the fireworks are hers
Watch the footage. Drop your guess in the comments. Did she throw an elbow or didn’t she?